I’m basking in a state of peace and quiet around here at this late hour. Both babes are sleeping, hubby is off at his late night hockey game, and in a gesture of Autumnal celebration I’ve decided to resist the call of sleep momentarily and have started a new knitting project (here) for a tiny baby that has just arrived into the arms of a dear friend. Yup, the only thing missing is a little chocolate.
I love knitting late in the evening after the house has been cleaned and the kids are in bed. It allows for such lovely quiet reflective moments for the soul. And with the coolness of Autumn arriving at the door, even more it sets the stage for pulling thoughts inward and getting into a meditative rhythm of yarn slipping through fingers, the quiet tap-tapping of needles, as the mind wanders around freely.
Tonight my mind is full of thoughts of the 2 beautiful little people sleeping upstairs, how blessed I am to know them in my life. I’m just so IN LOVE, in a way that grows deeper every day. Great roots are taking further hold in my life, as I feel my calling in this world declaring itself to me, M0therhood, revealing itself powerful and creative, even more day by day. And all through the glorious laughter and overwhelming moments of challenge and frustrations, with some moments when we’re all crying and some when we’re all laughing- oh yes, I love this job. The birth of Beckley and her soft folding into the family has brought me to another level of motherhood that, without even realizing, I had been waiting for- REALLY waiting for. Certainly the complexity of our days has risen, and my hands feel in near-constant motion, but it all feels so right to have become a whirling mama of diapering and feeding of little people. With no conscious effort my heart has grown in its capacity to love a whole other little person, and this love comes with such ferocity and gentleness that I can say at 6 weeks old- ‘I can’t imagine life without her’.
The other unexpected side of now parenting 2 kids is seeing my husband in a slightly new light. There has been a subtle and delightful shift in our own appreciation and support for one another- a process of quietly letting go of old expectations that might have been pushing us apart, and tightening the hold on those things that draw us closer together. I’m delighted to see him finding his rhythm in fatherhood, a calling he seems so naturally inclined towards and committed to. After over a dozen years together, it really is awesome to find ourselves wandering hand in hand in this journey of Family- something about it seems so familiar, even in it’s relative newness.
Finn’s adjusting to being an older brother, in his own way. His curiosity about Beckley is growing, as well as his tolerance of her being in my lap so often in the day. When he finds her sitting in the little bouncy chair, he is soft and gentle (mostly) in his exploration of her little face and hands. He wants to hold her and pat her. And unless he is tired or hungry himself (triggers for any of us!), it seems that she is becoming acceptable and accepted in his world… he’s having to learn a great deal about gentleness, and what a beautiful little person to learn with!
And what to say of dear Beckley? She is mellow, charming, and quite smiley for someone so little… she is starting to uncurl and really seeing this last week a growth of personality- she’s beginning to assert her little independent sounds into the family, letting us know her preferences (being held!) and her little routines. She coos with this contented little sighing sound, it just charms my heart. She is growing so well, it makes this mama very happy to see the pudgy little legs and arms swinging around in that newborn way.
Okay, bed is calling now. Glad to have gotten a few thoughts down about these fleeting days of two little ones. I can feel that I already miss this time… as it floats by so quickly. A parting sweetness for the season, picked up from a favourite place to visit:
In the deep fall
don’t you imagine the leaves think how
comfortable it will be to touch
the earth instead of the
nothingness of air and the endless
freshets of wind?
~ Mary Oliver, excerpt from Song for Autumn
in New and Selected Poems, Volume Two