Hey there dear readers… well it’s been, um, a rather challenging week around here. I guess we hit one of those infamous fussy periods- although I can’t be sure who was actually the fussy one- me or Finn? I was at a serious low with sleep deprivation- think the exhaustion and emotions finally caught up with me and just made it very difficult here for a few days. My ability to cope with the kid’s signals (aka crying) were drastically diminished… Oh dear. And Oh well. It’s passed- and I have to acknowledge and send sincere thanks to some truly fabo friends who kept checking in on me and passing on words of wisdom- oh, and the blessing of 2 nights in a row where the little man slept for SEVEN (7!) hours, allowing me to catch up a bit on zzzz’s. I have no illusions to the fact that this sleeping ‘pattern’ may not happen again, it might be a fluke, and to be grateful for any and all hours he sleeps at night, etc. I have heard too many stories of mums thinking that ‘this was it!’ or ‘we’re on to something!’ and then the pattern changes the next day, and then the mama spends countless days trying to recreate the exact circumstances that caused such a preferable behaviour, mired in anxiety and guilt that they’ve all of a sudden done something wrong. Oh dear. I think the truth is that with parenting, one MUST practice detachment- YES FOLKS! It’s attachment parenting with a hint of detachment!

Sage advice from friend M: “… Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that babies are unpredictable creatures and you have to do what you feel is the right thing for you and not compare your baby to a baby in a book or the friend from your prenatal group. And my last word of whatever it is I’m getting at is, when you’re feeling crapped out from the lack of sleep, try not to think about “how long will this last?” Just take it one day at a time, and don’t forget, it won’t last for long (whatever that means)–that’s what my mom always says anyway, I’m trying to believe her.”

WORD.

My darling dude is upstairs in his cot, cooing to himself. It’s about 1:00am here, and he’s still awake- quietly!, but awake. I’m sitting here typing while pumping some magic milk (the 40 min it takes to pump an ounce and half? Oh yeah, a little bit of magic, in deed)… Actually, the rocky snowy mountainous peak of my anxiety came after a pumping session 2 nights ago- I got up, and in my exhausted state I managed to trip over my own feet, and (can you see this coming?) spilled most of the milk all over the floor. I thought I was going to have a complete breakdown, so much work for so little milk, and only to see it go flying out of my hands. A pile of sobbing woman? yeah, that was me, with poor Dustin looking on helplessly- that’s been the story of breastfeeding around here. Thank God for the patience that both son and husband have shown for me during these days. So Dustin put Finn to bed, and I went to sleep.

The crazy thing is that it has been OK around here with the bottle/formula feeding- I seriously thought I had gotten to an OK place with it all- it’s funny what little things can set off the big guns of flaming emotion. Lack of sleep will definitely do it to a person. But we are OK again. The love from dear friends has been so generous and although I am terrible about asking for help, I am learning to open myself to the care from others. It turns out that Motherhood is no time to be proud- I’ve been thrown into a completely new job, with a new boss, and no prior experience, relying on the teachings provided by intuition and the motivation of unconditional love, of course I need support from other people! This is just one more beautiful lesson I’m learning because of Finn in my life…

So to dramatically change the subject: Last week I went to my talented friend Wendy’s studio to do a photo shoot with Finn- OH MY! It was great to chill with a sista, and the pics turned out SO GOOD! And are you local to Vancouver? I HIGHLY recommend Wendy for your photo needs- she’s amazing, and oh so good with the kiddo, so patient and fun!  So here’s a few for your viewing pleasure- yes, he’s getting chubbier! Every day!

Oooooooooo:

My head almost exploded in glee when I saw this last one- “Are you seriously talkin to me?”

Dustin paid me the best compliment tonight, “Dori, you smell like a baby”… sigh… If only I could bottle this smell and keep it forever. The truth is that I get so terribly excited, even now at 2:00am, thinking that there is a warm yummy sleeping baby upstairs, and he is all mine- My son! Can’t wait till tomorrow- now it’s time for sleep!

Ciao.

One Response to “Bumps in the road…”

1. Yvonne says:

   January 15, 2010 at 8:35 pm

   Whoever came up with the expression “Don’t cry over spilt milk” has obviously never experinced the horror of losing milk that is such hard work to pump. When it happened to me the only thing that kept me from a total meltdown was the realization of this irony! I figure that expression was written by the same genius that came up with “sleeping like a baby” to mean good sleep!