Strange fog, walking around feeling depressed. Face and eyes feel heavy, as though tears can spontaneously spout at any time, with no control. The question “how are you” (innocent enough) is a tear magnet, and without warning the questioner get showered. How can loneliness hang out in such a friend/love filled place? The weather? (sunny, cold, like S.D. in winter). Dustin’s job situation? (temporary lay-offs at the company leave us wondering about the next paycheck). People everywhere, caring, sympathetic; but how can I explain something I don’t know how to explain? Faceless, gray, fog. It seems like nothing, and then everything, at the same time keeps it smoldering inside of me.

Thank you Dad, for your gentle words. I realized how much we write like eachother. Strange genetic link?

Erin is to be a mum. She needs prayers, too.

As for me.
I think i need to figure out what my soul needs. like, really needs.
The first thing that comes to mind is an old song by John Denver (a favorite)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Traveled by many, remembered by few
Lookin’ for something that I can believe in
Lookin’ for something that I’d like to do with my life

There’s nothin’ behind me and nothin’ that ties me to
Something that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open and right now it seems to be more than enough
To just be here today and I don’t know

What the future is holdin’ in store
I don’t know where I’m goin’, I’m not sure where I’ve been
There’s a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin’, I don’t need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender, live, live without care
Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you read all those words? Go back, read them again. It’s that important to me. Now sing them. Hum them. Download the song off i-tunes. Learn the guitar, play along. Then when you see me next time, sing it to me. Remind me. It’s okay to be so scared and unsure about life. No, really, Dori, it’s okay.

3 Responses to “my fantastic life, part 2”

1. mel says:

   November 9, 2006 at 2:33 pm

   I’ve been feeling kinda gloomy this past week too? I don’t know what it is about this time of year. That really sucks about Dustin but if it’s any consolation I’ve come across several people in tech that have done the start-up/layoff thing and they’ve managed to find something else and get an ok packaged out of it. People seem to move alot in tech too…
2. mel says:

   November 9, 2006 at 2:38 pm

   oh! Another thing… I wanted to recommend “Joe Purdy”. I’ve been listening to him lately… seems to work well with the grey days for me…
3. your mom says:

   December 17, 2006 at 7:16 pm

   I love you sweet girl, and that dear hubby of yours. Never forget that.
   Your mom