40 weeks, that is. Although in my world right now, exact numbers matter- so it’s been 39 weeks + 5 days that I’ve been pregnant with this little sprout, and the number that I am watching tick day by day.
There was a great flurry of activity early in the week- me with an unexpected amount of energy and a lovely visit from a very dear friend who helped me channel my wild nesting urges into productive places- with painting my bedroom, hanging curtains, moving furniture, putting together shelving… It was such a delight to work on this project which has been put off for the past 3 years!! The room is now a delicious space of peace and rest- as it should be! A perfect place for a new baby to be snuggled in with mama and papa.
But since my friend left, things have shifted and I’ve been in a state of suspended moments, quiet reflection and vulnerabilities, and a bit home-bound.
There was a rather intense evening of contractions and belly activity for several hours yesterday that had me wondering if it was the night we’d be greeting our little one. We set up the birthing pool, finished cleaning corners of the house, Dustin made a mad dash to the hardware store for a couple missing electrical plate covers for the bedroom (love it), and we kissed Finn goodnight saying that there might be baby in the morning (he woke up saying: “Mama? Baby?” which totally tweaked my heart strings)… only to have the rather close and intense contractions peter out about 1am… oh well.
So another pause, and a day filled with a surprising amount of emotion and (not surprising) exhaustion. I didn’t have the energy to leave the house today, feeling rather vulnerable after last night’s activities… will my water break as I walk down the street? will contractions start and I be alone with Finn at the park? The day was spent struggling in an attempt to hold Finn’s wonderfully boisterous energy while I also tried to hold my own quiet introspective emotional space- and give us both the kind of care we needed. HOW does that work? It was a tremendous challenge today- really, one of the greatest challenges of Motherhood I can possibly imagine- I’ll write more about that again soon…
But what I do want to try to capture and remember during these last few emotional days is how this has been a joyful, easy, sacred pregnancy that has opened my heart and spirit more than I could have imagined 39 weeks ago… Another great life change that has given pause for reflection and helped towards healing some very old pains. It has brought me closer to a sense of a Divine connection in my life, closer than I have felt in a very long time. And as the impending workload grows, it has really pushed me to be brave in reaching out and expanding my circle of dear ones (trusting!) and helpmates. All of these things I can say have come along with the creative energy of growing a new child, and this second baby has been a great gift already… and I haven’t even met him/her yet! Honestly, what a magnificent event pregnancy is- to have the opportunity to hold two souls in one body for this short time, and to find what gifts are waiting to be drawn from the remarkable creative energy that IS.
I trust, I trust, I trust… in my body to know, the baby to know, and the spirit to hold it all in strength until it is time to separate and become. I am so eager to meet this phenomenal little person who has already given me so much.
Will keep you posted!