Oh dear, where does the time go? It’s 5:30am here, and I’m practicing my one-handed typing, with a babe having breakfast (only one item on this menu) in my arms… So much to comment on, this new experience of motherhood, and yet the days really blur into one another at this point of sleep deprivation, feedings and diapers…
Let’s start with the bambino update- Finn is now two weeks old as of yesterday! His long legs are stretching out further, fitting clothes too big for him a week ago! I swear I look away for a minute and he’s grown bigger, his little cheeks starting to plump, and hands grabbing stronger… he’s pretty magical, this little Peanut, and it blows my mind how something so wee can possess such power. He’s starting to make eye contact during the growing moments of awake time, really getting into the gaze of adoring mama and papa. Oh! His little umbilical cord fell off yesterday, revealing a tiny belly button so cute it has the power to end global unrest (obviously worth an ad campaign, I’ll be submitting photos to the UN later this week)…
And an update from the mama side of the boob- It’s been a challenging couple weeks, this whole breastfeeding gig has been much more difficult (exhausting, trying, emotional, physical…) than I would have ever guessed- a sentiment shared by pretty much every mama I talk to, although something not widely shared with the rest of world. From my experience, and talking to other mums, it’s this private struggle that we feel somehow reflects on our abilities to be a ‘good’ mother and when it doesn’t come easy (which I have never heard from any woman that it was ‘easy’) that it creates incredible feelings of inadequacy… For me? Oh for sure- I’m struggling with a low milk supply, and after 2 weeks I’m supplimenting about a quarter of Finn’s food supply with donated breast milk from the Milk Bank (yes, how cool is that?). And after such a positive, healthy pregnancy and birth I was completely under-prepared for breastfeeding to be so hard- and when the books or friends casually mention that it can take up to 6 weeks to get the hang of it… 6 weeks? What the heck does that mean? And 6 weeks compounded with severe sleep shortage, and the crashing of hormones, and extreme worry that your baby isn’t getting enough- and holding in your arms at the centre of all that anxiety is this golden orb of a child that you love with every ounce of your being- it’s like being pulled apart in 2 directions.
But all that being said, today is a new day. Things are gradually shifting into a stage where reality is taking hold, and holy CRAP I’m so very in love with this new little boy! Which makes adapting to the fresh pattern of life unfolding before me a bit easier to swallow… And officially, this may be the most difficult thing I’ve ever taken on. Change, awe, and the surreal- all accompanied by the unknown and unsure steps of NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER PERSON’S LIFE.
Well, anyway, did I mention his dimples? And he has the cutest little tiny tush that I have ever seen. Time to go snuggle with the Finnster.
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This post has taken me 3 days to write! Oh well… I’m proud to say I managed to get a shower in today (also the first in 3 days!), now I’m gonna go try to catch some zzzz’s before the wee one wakes.
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