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By doriluthy, October 27, 2009 12:13 am

I woke up this morning at about 4:30 am…

Oh, sorry- No, this isn’t the start to a birth story- I’m still as pregnant as ever! Here, evidence, photo taken about 5 hours ago:

I just couldn’t sleep last night- lots on my brain. When will I be done being pregnant? I feel like I’m just passing time right now until the rest of my life begins. Any minute… or next week… I don’t want it to come too soon, I want to enjoy this absolutely bizarre nothing-time as much as possible. But honestly folks, there is nothing that I have to do right now. For the first time in… Nothing is required, all is optional. I can be cooking, or cleaning, or reading, or shopping, or… Nothing. Just waiting in a pause.

I feel that I’m living these few moments as an expression of a specific gesture- maybe as you’re reading a very good book, and you come to the end of the page, which just happens to end on a sentence, or a paragraph, or even a chapter… and you have to turn the page- that is the feeling RIGHT NOW. Taking a breath as you shift the book in your hands and turn the page…

The baby is getting big. I’m not asking the Peanut to leave the chamber just yet- I’m uncomfortable, but happy. I’m still REALLY enjoying being pregnant. Everything just feels so quiet. A breath in time. What a gift! I’m loving all the strange attention and conversations that are happening towards me, are people so un-used to seeing such a pregnant woman wandering happily and comfortably through the world? I guess so… 39 weeks and still smiling!

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Conversation with the (20 year old) receptionist at the nail place about the size of my belly:
Her: “Oh my gawd, you MUST be having twins!!”
Me: “Nope, there’s just one in there.”
Her: (her, touching my belly) “Oh no, really, there’s gotta be 2 in there!”
Me: (glaring now) “Seriously, just one.”
Her: “Oh what a surprise it will be when you have twins!”
Me: “Thanks for your professional opinion. I’ll be sure to let my midwife know to expect two.”
sigh…

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The Salon owner said to me when I was paying for my haircut, about to leave: “OH MY GAWD, I was so worried you were going to go into labour RIGHT NOW.” (cue fake labour pains! haha!)

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Other than these funny little conversations, mostly it’s loads of smiles of encouragement, doors being held open, seats on the bus, and from 18 year old guys and 65 year old women I get sweet wishes of “good luck!” as I walk by them on the street…

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What kind of strange world am I hovering in?

The mystery of a new life, it seems to belong to everyone- do we connect our deepest wishes, those of our ancestors and to future hopes through the pregnant women around us? To the excitement, possibilities, and anticipation of a new life coming? To the tiny tiny creatures we all start out as- the most vulnerable of our human race. Hmmm… The goddess body, ripe with life!

This feeling can only last for such a short time! I know that the page is turning even as I write this blog. (But glad I’m writing, cause who will remember this feeling in the post-birth haze that will likely be my life for the next few months/years?) I will only be 39 weeks pregnant with my first child for only these few days of my entire life. Never again will I experience such calm and quiet, and also to be seen as a collective community object of care… Breathing deep, sending thanks. It is a great journey, this thing of pregnancy, many points of transition and gates to pass through. I’m nearly to the big gate at the end, the place to stand and welcome my child- a place which I know will change me forever…

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I’m reading (again!) the Red Tent, and at this stage in pregnancy it has truly blitzed my mind. Wow… Wow…

Heading for the bathtub. Ciao!

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By doriluthy, October 13, 2009 10:15 pm

Yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving! I love that this celebration of thankfulness, goodness, food, and bounty falls in October in Canada- it just makes so much sense! All of the amazing foods are in season, harvest time for the best fruits and vegis of the year. Dustin and I spent a few hours working at my studio getting it all cleaned up for my upcoming maternity leave. When we came on home all I wanted was to do was COOK. Definitely I was in the mood for some comfort food… Oh comfort food! I was thinking spicy, and pumpkin, and soup… And then there was all this Thai Basil from the garden waiting for some love…

When I posted over on facebook that I was gonna try to make a soup, I got a few requests for a recipe! Well, I’ll try to get it as close as I can, as it was one of those ‘just wing it’ kinds of cooking nights. I recommend tasting and adding as you go. The Basil and Chilies came out of the garden- and other than a few green tomatoes and a SCHWACK of chilies still hanging on, the garden is pretty much done- a nice way to celebrate it’s finish!

Charles recommended the addition of lemon grass, and I can only imagine that would be awesome! If I had any, I for sure would have put some of that it. So here’s what I remember about yesterday, and a few ideas for adjustments:

Thai Basil Coconut Pumpkin Soup- itsa spicey

1 small/medium size pumpkin
3 medium onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic
2-3 Tbsp Thai Green Curry paste (or more, to taste)
1 can coconut milk
3 red or green hot chilies (this gave a really nice heat, but feel free to add more if you like it SPICEY!!) NOTE: Dustin said to warn that these chilies from the garden weren’t THAT hot, so if you are going for some store bought hot chilies, be aware of your own spice levels, and maybe 1-2 chilies would be enough.
2 bunches of thai basil, finely chopped- RESERVE a few leaves for garnish
salt to taste
3-4 cups of soup broth (chicken or vegi)

OPTIONAL ingredients:
- lemongrass
- chicken or pork, cut into small strips
- toasted pumpkin seeds!

Chop the pumpkin into large chunks, rub lightly with oil and salt, and bake for an hour on medium (350?) heat.

While the pumpkin is baking, saute onions and garlic until very soft and caramelized. Toss in whole chilies (chop off the stem-tops) and saute on low with onion/garlic. (Add Lemon Grass here if you have it!) When pumpkin is soft, remove from oven and allow to cool for a few minutes, then peel the skins, throwing the pumpkin meat into the onion mix.

Mix in 3 cups of the broth and Thai paste. Allow to cook for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Add coconut milk, and chopped thai basil, and stir. Taste mixture at this time- need more curry paste? Mix in more as desired for taste.

If you added them, remove the lemon grass chunks at this time.

Blend the soup in batches to a creamy consistency. Return blended soup to the pot, and add more broth as needed, depending on your preferred thickness, and add salt and more curry paste!, as you prefer for taste.

If you want to add meat, do so here, and allow the soup to cook for another 15-20 minutes until the meat is cooked through. (I made it with chicken, and holy yummy yum.) Just before serving, garnish with a few of those basil leaves (and some toasted pumpkin seeds!). Ta-da!!

If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, I recommend roasting up those pumpkin seeds while the soup is cooking. They add a nice additional garnish to the soup, and snack for later! (OR sprinkled on vanilla ice-cream with a dash of cinnamon! YES!)

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By doriluthy, October 9, 2009 4:35 pm

I met up again this week with that group of great mums I mentioned in a couple posts ago. But for some reason I couldn’t speak today. My words were just not coming out, and the thoughts I had in my head just weren’t able to find their way to my lips. The few words I did manage to speak seemed really tired, like incomplete sentences, an attempt at a thought… Luckily the group holds no expectations, but I did want to tell them things, to share the challenges I have been facing, to get feedback and support. But nothing came out like I wanted.

I guess I need to practice some self-compassion here. I’m quite tired. My pelvis is aching, and I haven’t been sleeping so well. The baby is very active, hiccups at least once a day.

Just having a hard time getting my head or heart on straight today. I think I’ll just leave it at this…

My horoscope today:
Image: Standing in an open field, a windmill slowly turning.
Message: Making steady progress.

And as promised, photos of 36 weeks preggo:

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By doriluthy, October 6, 2009 11:29 pm

Less than 4 weeks to go! We are officially at 36 weeks, and I just read that at the end of this week the baby is considered “full term” and could really arrive at any time. Wow. WHAT?

Hrmp. We are ramping up the prep around here… Some fabulous friends come by yesterday and in a few short hours got the baby’s room completely emptied out and painted- YEAH FOR AWESOME FRIENDS! And when I got home tonight, I found Dustin upstairs assembling the crib, which required me to sit for almost 2 hours and stare in amazement… Oh wow…

And I just ordered our little one’s crib mattress online from oh simple baby, a great mommy-based business out in Ontario. The mattress is by Naturepedic, and is organic! A super happy thanks to our parents who are making this choice possible!

I’ve been taking pictures of both my belly progress and the baby’s room, but I’m too pregnant (lazy) to haul my butt back upstairs to get the camera- so that will have to wait until tomorrow.

So some curtains to sew, we still need a dresser, and a few other misc. bits and pieces and hopefully the gear portion of baby will be in place, or at least close enough?

Hey, turns out the baby’s due date is the next full moon! I’m crossing my fingers for clear a sky and a baby that shows up in a timely manner… It would be amazing to stare at a full moon through some portion of the birthing process. Although who am I kidding? If Dustin’s genes have any power here, this kid will be born 2 weeks late, and come out with a coffee mug in their little hand.

Ciao.

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By doriluthy, October 2, 2009 4:01 pm

Whaaa!? How did almost 5 weeks go by without a single posting?!?! I’m so sorry, my dear readers, to leave you all in a lurch! We’ve been a bit busy around here, NO baby yet, but getting ready for his/her arrival, and house guests and all the rest has been… oh, all just excuses for not writing! Here’s a couple pictures I snapped about 3 weeks ago (at 32 weeks) of my ever expanding birth-girth.

How about a 35 week pregnostic update? (HEY- I gave fair warning, this is turning into a mommy blog) I’ve been feeling GOOD. Enjoying the pregnancy, for sure. Feeling strong and healthy. Although over the last few weeks sleep has been a bit of a trick, the last few nights have been a treat. I think I’ve gotten big enough that I just get stuck in one position at night, and I’ve got my pillow arrangement figured out, and all of this together means I’ve been sleeping for good 3 hour chunks of time, interspersed with a couple of ‘roll this belly out of bed and go pee’ wake ups in the night.

To add the fun, this kiddo gets the hiccups about twice a day (or middle of the night!), which are both equally entertaining and slightly annoying. It’s like having someone poking you in the side over and over again for about 10-15 minutes. But the sight of my belly jumping up and down, and the joy of knowing it’s a baby in there doing all the action is well worth it. It makes me smile, and if anyone is around to watch or put their hand on my belly I’m pretty demanding that someone else go through it with me.

And food? Food is really amazing these days, and it’s AUTUMN! Already the best season of the year for vegetables (beets! kale!) and fruits (concord grapes, people!). Everything just tastes and smells SO GOOD. I walked into Capers today, the smell of pumpkin pies and carrot ginger soups… Canadian Thanksgiving is in another couple weeks, and I’m REALLY looking forward to cooking up a spread this year.

You know, I have been feeling pretty much ‘myself’ this whole pregnancy in terms of my body and my emotions, so I hadn’t been expecting much change in these last few weeks what with the nesting instinct that people always talk about coming on strong in the end before baby comes. But it really is welling up inside of me, and I can feel it like a blanket that is wrapping itself around me.

In particular I have been feeling that my emotions and intellect have been pulling inward, with lots of contemplating and wondering these days. And most noticeably I have been feeling an unexplainable sense of loneliness for a few days now. But with the help of some amazing mums today I uncovered that I think this feeling has to do with the fact that my soul/psyche is also gearing up for a truly intense experience. One of the women in this group gave me a beautiful visual that I wanted to write about here…

The Gate of Life and Death…

I alone have to birth this child. Of course I will have the care and support of husband, midwife, doula, etc, BUT ultimately it is ME that has to take my entire being- my mind, body, soul- and make my way to the ancient Gate that marks the golden line where life and death meet. And I will have to stand there at the precipice of the Gate, willingly, holding my entire self, giving over everything in order to bring a new life across.  I can only imagine that this is so intensely personal of an experience for a woman to go through, looking up at that Gate with the eyes that know where all life comes and goes from, and I think that my soul is somehow preparing itself by pulling inward. What I have been calling loneliness these past few days? Perhaps it is more that my soul-self knows that I will be completely alone standing there at that Gate, and the feeling is pressing around me already to prepare me. It makes sense that in the ways the mind and body is also preparing for the child’s arrival (pelvis spreading, child getting into position, buying diapers and freezing soups), so should the soul be preparing for an epic journey…

And as scary as it might sound, I am getting ready to go there.

I’ll post 36 week belly photos in the next couple days.