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By doriluthy, May 20, 2009 12:09 am

The 8 straight days of the Vancouver Children’s Festival finished yesterday- I was again (5th year running!) the volunteer coordinator for the Face Painting tents. Favourite kid all week- a little sassy 9 year old boy wanted me to paint a campfire and a stick with roasting marshmallows. IT WAS RAD!! When I finished, he loved it, but asked if I could make the marshmallows more toasted and brown? I was happy to oblige. We high-fived and off he went…

But after all of that, today was a much needed and much deserved recovery day. I LOVE the hard earned days like this: woke up and laid in bed until 11am, then went downstairs and laid on the couch until 1pm, then did some dishes, laundry, a quick shower, then laid back in bed again until around 4pm. Nice, hey?

Then I FINALLY managed to head out the door to get some groceries and back in time for my Art Girls Take Over The World (AGTOTW) meeting at 7pm. I was hosting the meeting tonight, so really I just laid on the couch for another 2 hours and talked to some of my fav women about art and meaning and it’s purpose in our lives.

So now I have a week off (other studio projects on the go, of course) and then the Surrey Kids Fest starts. More face painting! But this next event is contained to 3 intense days… And I’m seriously hoping the volunteers are as awesome as the ones this last week at the Vancouver festival- after 5 years of working as the face painting coordinator, this was the BEST year of volunteers- really top notch artists, and some really good kids. (almost all of them are high school students.) My faith has been restored in 15 year olds… how long do you think that will that last?

One of the interesting and unexpected side affect of being pregnant while working at a children’s festival is that I have been much more aware of all the: pregnant women, the happy (and not so happy) families, the dads spending the day with the kids, the brands of strollers, the adorable shoes for toddlers… I’m gaining some kind of ‘mommy tunnel vision’ with this slowly growing belly of mine… heightened awareness for sure. I have a feeling it’s only going to get more powerful in the upcoming months (years?).

Dustin just told me that he’s wondering how many times we’ll use the word “poopy” in the next 3 years. And how tuned in we’ll become to the wide range and variety of “poopy”…

And the big news of the week- I started to feel the baby moving a couple days ago- I had gotten home from a 10 hour day at the festival, exhausted, and I laid down on the couch for a rest (a theme in my life, apparently)… Dustin was sitting in the chair next to me, chatting away, and there it was- the feeling of little butterfly wings flapping around in my belly. I know that’s where the baby is, cause I can feel my utereus expanding- right now it’s a hard cantelope shape rising up, just under my belly button right now. I smiled and had a couple tears, knowing that this is just the beginning of experiencing the movements of my child, and I can’t wait until Dustin can feel it too.

Baby Peanut has been joining me in my dreams, and still remains a gender-neutral character, full of giggles and cuddles. But the little nut hasn’t declared their intention to me yet- boy or girl?

Oye, it’s late! Taking these souls to bed.

Ciao for now.

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By doriluthy, May 12, 2009 12:06 am

Mother’s day yesterday. Happy day to those who are, or are mother’s to be (rock on!). I bought myself tulips. Yesterday also marked the beginning of week 16 for baby Peanut. A new stage of development and apparently I’ll be able to start feeling the little bugger soon… Well let me make that clear, feeling the movements. I certainly felt pregnant last night- I went to bed last night with the first heartburn I think I’ve ever had as an adult. Bring on the TUMS! It felt like something was squishing my stomach up into my chest, and as I laid awake thinking about the anatomy of a pregnant woman I realized it is only going to get more dramatic in the upcoming months… I mean, think about it. Where do all the intestines, organs, stomach, and lungs GO to provide space for the growing child? They hang out, they get flattened, they move around enough to accommodate this growing body.

Once I did manage to fall asleep, I dreamed that my insides were opening up, I was hollow inside, and that my intestines were curling themselves up like a rope stack, neatly tucked in my rear end. How convenient! In the dream my butt became a useful storage area for organs and whatnots…

I woke up around 1:30- the usual first wake up time- and as I stumbled ot the bathroom I instinctively put my hand up on my belly and discovered that a small ledge is forming there, the baby is growing.

For someone who has struggled with weight my whole adult life, it is an interesting exercise to watch this quick growing happening in my belly, and to try to stop the self-criticism as it arises… I have no control over this growth, and I have to ignore all socially bred instincts that are yelling “ATKINS!”. I can only shake my head, smile, and come to terms with the fact that my body is not my own for the next while. It is a strange strange concept. I am eating the best I’ve eaten in a long time, exercising, and sleeping as much as I can… And my belly keeps on growing. (That’s a good thing!) Of course the experience of pregnancy is one of the most natural processes on the planet, but a part of my socialized brain is sending out signals that things are out of control… It is happening so fast, and I have to shift 20+ years of concerned body image, and learn to smile and be excited over the fact that my jeans no longer zip up. Or that my shirts are starting to ride up over my belly bump. And all of this will only get more dramatic in the upcoming months! Wowee…

What a journey. I seriously think (hope?) that one of the big parts of learning through this experience is letting go of some of that old body image baggage. I’m confronting it daily in the mirror, and on the street, and sitting down (que unbuttoning of pants).

Egads, it’s also Children’s Festival week in Vancouver- I’ll be manning the face painting tent, stop by if you’re around and check out the belly. Time for bed!

Ciao.

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By doriluthy, May 7, 2009 2:03 pm

The end-of-lunch bell has just rung at the schoolhouse across the street. Children are yelling in their last moments of recess fun and fury, as they go running into the building to start their afternoon learning. I’m sitting here quietly on the couch, tucked in with an old plaid wool blanket that belonged to my maternal grandparents. It’s another one of those pieces of family history that I’ve collected- the tag says “Warranted to Be a Pendleton, 100% virgin wool, Portland, OR”. I remember this blanket from my childhood, neatly folded up in the back of their car (their car was always so clean!) in it’s own little carrying bag… Did they get it in on a trip to Oregon? Or did my other Oregonian grandparents send it to them? … hmmm…

Anyway, it is Thursday, I realize… and I’m zoning out on the couch with my cup of tea and blanket thinking back over the past 4 days of a flu induced haze… It just came on so quickly. But I guess that’s the thing about the flu, that I didn’t even have time to get myself prepared for being sick. (funny, hey? Be Prepared!) And now that it is receding enough to start to think clearly, I feel a little stunned in it’s aftermath. Or still foggy from the flu?…

Ahh… que the sunshine!! And… que the clouds… meh. It doesn’t help that the weather has been crap.

So, I read that the little Peanut growing inside of me is protected by the sac during illness. Which totally amazes me, that in this body that felt like it was drowning in sickness, deep in my belly was a little pocket of health, glowing out in the darkness. Go baby! A comforting thought, for sure.

Here’s something amazing: these days the Peanut can grasp, squint, frown, and grimace. It may even be able to suck its thumb. WOWEE. Seriously. It’s only 14 1/2 weeks old, and about the size of an orange…

Well that’s about all I can muster for now- a little blanket and baby love.

ciao from D².