A little time has gone by since my last posts. I’m sure you are all DYING to know how my morning wake-ups are going? Well, about that. First of all, we all know the seasons have changed, and it got dark so soon! And then I went away to Oregon, where sleep was the THING to do (peer pressure!). And then I was under the weather for a few days… and then… So I am managing to pop my eyes open around 7:30, which (if I may remind everyone, including myself) is a significant change from my previous sleepy life! Thank you! Enough of that, I’m just happy enough that I am enjoying it (most days) to get up so early. We’ll see as the days get shorter and shorter, that whole peer pressure thing may kick back in.
On another note, did anyone hear about this little global economic crisis thing happening? No? Well, nevermind, I don’t really know much either, I’m sure it will pass as all things do.
I read this quote today that has me a little wiggly. Howard Thurman said: “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs—ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Well, I think the biggest mental challenge to overcome with this “what the world needs” vs. “what makes me come alive” is that sometimes the thing(s) that makes someone come alive may be something very completely undervalued by the majority of society (and ourselves)- things that are simple and beautiful- like gardening, preparing delicious foods, being a mother, taking care of yourself and your family & friends. I had an interesting conversation with a friend over the weekend- I was explaining how I spend so much time trying to figure out what I am working towards in my life- what is the big picture of Dori that I am pursing? (who am I? yadda yadda). Well, friend suggested that perhaps I am spending time thinking that I have to BE something special, when I already AM something special- why don’t I just work on what I am already, instead of thinking it has to become something else- a “______________” specialist (or whatever). Are you enjoying your life? Then keep going, doesn’t it feel good to be alive?
Well then, to throw in a new puzzle piece, I am also exploring new ideas of myself with the work I am doing for D-lady. She is so dynamic, and I love working with her, and I just love the idea of working on big community projects with her. I can see myself doing research and public speaking… I mean, what DOES the WORLD NEED?! I should be doing more! (wait, it gets better…)
So this weekend I had an early morning epiphany, riding my bike to the studio in the cold, the autumn nipping at my nose (I am in LOVE with the smell of a Sunday morning autumn in Strathcona), and I had this blast of a dream (VISION!)- that right now I have a life filled with lots of THIS kind of alive bliss moment (October smells/cold leaves blowing/Sunday morning strathcona coffee crowd) and what I really want is to continue to live as a creative, and mix in some children into life, and right there is enough challenge and delight for the next few years to satisfy all cravings. Hm, and what about my time with D-lady? I guess I just wait and see what becomes. It may be perfect just the way it is. (actually, it is.)
So the answer is- I am a nut. (Probably a pistachio.) A creative, excited, over-analytical, enthusiastic, sensitive, sleepy NUT with a tendency to over-question her position in life (as nuts are known to do) as a result of what she knows exactly to be a “heartbreaking inability to sustain contentment”. (Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love) See? A nut. But as my FABULOUS Gram Dorothy (who is turning 93 years old this week) tells me: always go to bed with a plan for your tomorrow. Then you will always have something to look forward to.
Right, one day at a bloody time! So my plan for tomorrow? I will have muesli and tea for breakfast as I watch the leaves change and fall outside my living room window. Oh, and I will be waking up next to THIS hunky Peanut, who also believes in “what makes me come alive” more than “what the world needs”.
(Hunky Peanut was photographed on Mt. Baker in September)