My apologies, dear readers! I have been much distracted the past few weeks and unfortunately have neglected my blog in the process… About a month ago I got an email from G., a former classmate and industrial designer, and she invited me to be a part of a very exciting project. It could be called a very LARGE project, and also with some smaller opportunities too, it ultimately turned into a business possibility for me. And so with the help of a dear friend (known from here on as “business guru”) I jumped into early planning stages to determine if it was going to be possible/feasible/viable for me to be a part of. Let’s just say it was going to be a huge career change from my current life as an artist. And I started out the process truly believing that it was something I wanted to do. It seemed like really good timing to be considering this- for a few weeks leading up to this email from G. I had been feeling like I needed to be making a change in my life, and also I have a passion for her product designs, and it was still something to do in the ceramics world, and maybe it could make me some money down the line. For so many reasons it appeared like a great opportunity. But as we all know, opportunities of magical proportion rarely make it past the dreamy planning stages. Anyway, in the midst of this exciting time it was about 2 weeks of not a lot of sleep, many many number crunching sessions on excel, and nightly hot baths to calm my head. (Not to mention that Dustin was in China, again, during this entire time.)
And then a few things started happening… The very LARGE project started to fall through. Then G. asked me (innocently enough) at one of our meetings: where do you see your life going in the next few years? – and I totally choked at the question… apparently I am not as on top of things as I might have thought. Then during one very long walk (see previous post!) my business guru admitted he was wondering why I was sacrificing my art life to pursue something that would probably bring me a lot less joy than art making. (He also assured me we would have had this conversation eventually.) Then 2 good art friends admitted to feeling the same when I told them about this project… And then others saying the same…
So then what happened? I went to Oregon for 5 days and surrounded myself with my dear dear family. While there I officially decided to step out of the project, to not continue to pursue it, even for the small projects. The risks were too high, and I had many solitary hours on trains and buses to have a chat with my art-heart and try to remember why I have committed myself to this crazy creative world. While knitting row after row of a sweater with Oregon and Washington whizzing by out the window, I heard in my head the voices of the people who really care for me, voices asking me why would I give up being an artist- especially now when things are going so good in the studio with the new work I am creating? I asked myself over and over G’s question: where do I see my life going in the next few years? Again I choked at this question, then I made up silly answers, and also tried some serious answers, and in the end still am not quite sure. I had some chats with the dead and the not-yet-living… How often do we stop to do this kind of ’soul searching’? Not often enough, apparently.
I mean- Life is THE thing, not to be taken too lightly. (Then again, not too serious). I get really overwhelmed some moments feeling like life is just breezing by me, and what do I have to show for it? I think I had the vision for myself at some point this year- of Dori’s life as an artist, but I seemed to have lost it somewhere in the past few months. The art work is pouring out of me right now, that doesn’t seem to be the problem. It’s my commitment to wearing the title “artist”, and my admitting that is what I am, to really admitting to the fact that a big chunk of my contribution to the planet will be through my art- and THIS seems to be the place where I get caught up and feeling inadequate. There is another question, and I’ve asked it before: IS THIS ENOUGH?
I think that’s enough for one post… Just another day in the life of an artist, I guess.
A special thanks to my Business Guru for all his help, charm and wisdom.