Today is the last day of 2006. here’s the numbers:
- July was birthday #28
- September is now 4 years in Vancouver
- September 8 years with Dustin, May was three of marriage
- June Pink’s 11th birthday
- May/June had 3 weddings (Em, Jason, Lisa)
- New places visited this year: Australia, Ottawa, Merrickville (I’ll be back Jenna!)
Maybe it’s the music, but I’m feeling a bit sentimental right now. I once knew a man named Hugh McKinley. A poet, writer, scholar, opera singer!, he was so full of life and eternally willing to take chances for the thing he loved more than anything- his Faith. He was alive with love for what he believed, and wanted to share this beautiful thing with other people. I admired him so much for this unwavering Faith, and took his compassionate advice to heart. Before I went to Latvia in 1997, I asked Hugh what I should do, how could I grow and learn? I was a youth with big life excitement, but with so many fears of the future and unsure of my place on this planet (oh how things change so slowly!). What did Hugh say? “Make yourself uncomfortable. Then you will learn the most about yourself.”
It’s been almost 10 years since that great adventure. And here we are now coming to the end of 2006. This has been a year of many learning opportunities, and I am seeing again how the time has come to really make myself uncomfortable. I left my job as of Friday the 29th. Who is my new employer? Me. Thanks to unwavering support from my husband and a new sense of inner determination, I am finally taking the leap I should have taken years ago. Oh of course, it is said you are never ready until you are ready, you have to learn through phases to get to where you need to go… But I’m ready to get uncomfortable again. That great sense of adventure and Faith that took me to Latvia in 1997 for those challenging 8 months, I am looking for again. I seem to have been wandering undirected for some time now, passing time by filling days with tasks and jobs, finding only some rare time for delight and inspiration. I’ve lost track of what the dream is, and now when Dustin asks me ‘what is the vision’ I am at a loss for words. Grrr. I feel like going to the woods, meditating, fasting, shaving my head (joking moms), and getting really uncomfortable. Actually, I think I’ll head south to my heart-home in the woods in Oregon. Aunt Barb has lots of tea, a pottery studio in her garage, and hugs that never end. Next Friday- a train ride south, a fire place to stoke, quiet chilly mornings, walks in the wet woods, Persian rugs and lots of cousins… Some time for mourning what has passed and is lost, and then also to celebrate and plan for a new beginning. Necessities for the next stage of my life: Amelie soundtrack. my sketchbook. hand knit wool socks (thanks gram Carol!). Hugh McKinley’s soft smiling advice.
Have you ever done a life/time allocation chart? I haven’t in a couple years, and it’s time! This usually involves a pack of multi-coloured markers, a big piece of paper, and a few hours to ponder. I start with a drawing of myself in the middle, and then i write/draw words around me- start with the big things: family, career, body/health, spirituality, etc. and then i write bits about each one of those things, no matter how realistic or not, just write what comes out. A lovely opportunity to see what is in your head and heart about life. I highly recommend it.
I’ll write from Oregon.