Comments (1)

By doriluthy, February 20, 2012 12:24 am

Darling Beckley is going to be 6 months old in 3 days! The time is flying by so very fast, and she is doing exactly what little babies are supposed to be doing at her age- growing like a weed and generating more love that any of us thought possible. It is a true miracle, this project of growing a life, birthing, then watching the little person grow into a little human being. I just can’t get over the speed at which it is all happening. I want to swallow up these moments into my mind/body/soul and hold them forever- her scent, her giggles, her jabber-yabber, the way she laughs at her brother, how peacefully she sleeps, her soft soft skin…

I was cleaning up today and found a little poem I wrote when I was a couple weeks away from meeting Beckley. I remember sitting and writing it, so very aware of that giant creaking force that mega-pregnancy brings, and I had the sense that any moment the whole universe was going to fold up into a little paper cup and pour out a new life into my hands, and I knew that would happen with the greatest of ease (it did, birth story coming soon, promise!). Here’s my little poem:

~~~
Spinning

Centrifugal force, commanding
That invisible and felt pull,
Working with, within and without
An intention of stability.
A pull that is, responding and reacting.
Today as the body waits, oh so patiently,
For another to emerge from the warm held place
That only the mother’s birthing body can ever know.

Do you feel the spinning, pulling force
As you grow, child?
Do you hear my sighs and signs as
Hips and back and you shift,
Every day opening my body further
To the day that we would Meet…

I wait. I spin and wait.
~~~

Beckley and I, out in the rain on the weekend:

Ciao, dear reader.

Comments (0)

By doriluthy, August 19, 2011 11:39 pm

40 weeks, that is. Although in my world right now, exact numbers matter- so it’s been 39 weeks + 5 days that I’ve been pregnant with this little sprout, and the number that I am watching tick day by day.

There was a great flurry of activity early in the week- me with an unexpected amount of energy and a lovely visit from a very dear friend who helped me channel my wild nesting urges into productive places- with painting my bedroom, hanging curtains, moving furniture, putting together shelving… It was such a delight to work on this project which has been put off for the past 3 years!! The room is now a delicious space of peace and rest- as it should be! A perfect place for a new baby to be snuggled in with mama and papa.

But since my friend left, things have shifted and I’ve been in a state of suspended moments, quiet reflection and vulnerabilities, and a bit home-bound.

There was a rather intense evening of contractions and belly activity for several hours yesterday that had me wondering if it was the night we’d be greeting our little one. We set up the birthing pool, finished cleaning corners of the house, Dustin made a mad dash to the hardware store for a couple missing electrical plate covers for the bedroom (love it), and we kissed Finn goodnight saying that there might be baby in the morning (he woke up saying: “Mama? Baby?” which totally tweaked my heart strings)… only to have the rather close and intense contractions peter out about 1am… oh well.

So another pause, and a day filled with a surprising amount of emotion and (not surprising) exhaustion. I didn’t have the energy to leave the house today, feeling rather vulnerable after last night’s activities… will my water break as I walk down the street? will contractions start and I be alone with Finn at the park? The day was spent struggling in an attempt to hold Finn’s wonderfully boisterous energy while I also tried to hold my own quiet introspective emotional space- and give us both the kind of care we needed. HOW does that work? It was a tremendous challenge today- really, one of the greatest challenges of Motherhood I can possibly imagine- I’ll write more about that again soon…

But what I do want to try to capture and remember during these last few emotional days is how this has been a joyful, easy, sacred pregnancy that has opened my heart and spirit more than I could have imagined 39 weeks ago… Another great life change that has given pause for reflection and helped towards healing some very old pains. It has brought me closer to a sense of a Divine connection in my life, closer than I have felt in a very long time. And as the impending workload grows, it has really pushed me to be brave in reaching out and expanding my circle of dear ones (trusting!) and helpmates. All of these things I can say have come along with the creative energy of growing a new child, and this second baby has been a great gift already… and I haven’t even met him/her yet! Honestly, what a magnificent event pregnancy is- to have the opportunity to hold two souls in one body for this short time, and to find what gifts are waiting to be drawn from the remarkable creative energy that IS.

I trust, I trust, I trust… in my body to know, the baby to know, and the spirit to hold it all in strength until it is time to separate and become. I am so eager to meet this phenomenal little person who has already given me so much.

Will keep you posted!

Comments (1)

By doriluthy, July 27, 2011 12:15 am

It’s almost 10:30pm, and I’m pooped. I’ve spent some time tonight working on gathering together the various bits and pieces deemed as necessary on my “Checklist for Home Birth” that the midwife gave me a couple weeks ago. Initially I spent a few minutes just staring at the list, amazed that such simple items (6 bath towels, 1 large ziploc baggie, bendy straws) could possibly be associated with such a monumental event. Really! Isn’t it a marvel? How truly simple life is (2 large garbage bags, a roll of paper towels), and how birth, in its massively life-altering way, just fits into that simpleness.

I’m laying here watching the stretching and wiggling of my belly full of baby, and the strange movements of a little one who must be a little buzzed from the bowl of praline pecan ice cream I just ate (you’re welcome!). Time is coming fast for this one to arrive. I’m just over 36 weeks pregnant now, and in just a few more days I’ll be cleared for a home birth. Birth pool arrives later this week, baby’s in a good position, and I’ve nearly emptied that jar of tangy dijon mustard that seems to be finding its way onto almost everything I eat these days (pregnancy weirdness). Yeah, I think I’m feeling ready.

Well, as ready as anyone can be for Birth. We’ve been spending a bit of time talking to Finn about the upcoming birth experience, as we hope things will line up for him to witness his little sibling enter the world (he’s got his own ‘birth partner’ to keep tabs of him in the journey). A great little book “Hello Baby”, has become a favourite in the house (Finn has been wanting to read it 2-3 times a day) and been a good tool for discussion- including a midwife, birthing mama, tiny baby, placenta, and umbilical cord as part of the story and pictures. And a nice benefit of reading the book with Finn is the discussions that come up between Dustin and I- we are also working through our thoughts about this next stage of the journey. Roles, expectations, lingering anxiety, more changes, and ideas about simplifying life even more.

2 weeks ago we headed to Galiano Island for almost a week of camping with friends and just enjoying the island pace of life. It’s so different than our beloved Tofino- which is so gorgeous, rugged and remote, bear-filled and wild. Tofino always feels like a place you have to ‘hold your own’ against it’s unpredictable wind-swept fury. In contrast (as I assume most of the Gulf Islands) Galiano is (sparsely) populated and contained, and we lounged around the ocean filled days and starry nights admiring the racoons and owls prowling the evenings, enjoying bountiful and fresh food, driving the slow lazy roads that just wind along, checking out all shops (best cheese? cheapest beer?), and definitely tagging along to the foot-stomping country dance on Saturday night with the local folk band. And did I mention there were enough ‘For Sale’ signs to get my little country-girl heart racing at the idea of a little piece of land to call our own? Well, I just HAD to go look around. So, of course I fell in love with a little piece of land, which I am dearly trying, in my 36 weeks of pregnancy, to stop thinking about! Thinking about? Well, if you want to know- chickens, greenhouse, a small studio, gardens, wood pile, a couple canoes, and kiddos running around free as country kids can be. Of course, none of that exists (yet, heehee). The reality is we live here in a sweet little townhouse in a fabulous neighborhood in the middle of a big city. And over there on that island is a junk-filled, inexpensive piece of land with a funky house that needs a lot of work. Ooooh, what a tasty, tasty dream.

Anyway, in all of this I can feel the tempting of what that other lifestyle offers. I can feel it in my bones. Dustin, too. I think that the Spirit of Simple (and maybe our grannies from the next world) is holding a candlelight for us, reminding us of our roots, tempting us with dreams of little pieces of land.

In this dreaming, I can tell that the cloak of motherhood is wrapping tighter around me as I again approach that gate of birthing. In the ways that facing a life-altering event can shift the deepest awareness and perceptions, I’m standing before myself, revealed to myself, with earnestness and creativity. These late days of pregnancy feel so vulnerable, and precious too. It’s an exposure that comes so rarely in life and I am trying to just hold the awareness of myself, observing, curious and kind, in this very temporary state of being.

So I’m laying out the towels and sheets for a birth that will soon come knocking, taking these few quiet moments to watch my belly do the mysterious dance, and anticipating with my husband and son the welcoming of the next member and next stage of our little growing family.

I hope you can find some simple, too.

Comments (1)

By doriluthy, May 29, 2011 12:00 am

We just got back from our annual camping trip to the West Coast of Vancouver Island- our dear Tofino! Well, actually, it’s Green Point, Long Beach and Uke that we adore the most, as we find Tofino is turning into a busy and predictable (although still charming) surf and tourist town. But alas, we will continue to call this destination by it’s loveliest name: Tofino… Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue in such a nice way? Tofinooooo…

Anyway, since I find myself 6 months pregnant (again!) while setting up camp this year, and as the official Mama, I decided it was fully within my rights to maximize for comfort this year. Why should I tolerate nights of bad sleep for the sake of Camping? And who said camping had to be uncomfortable?? Why have I believed this for years? SO, with a belly full of baby, I came armed to create ‘The World’s Comfiest Tent’:

Um, yeah, let’s call that a success… I’ll break it down for you: a firmly inflated double height baffled air mattress (heaven!), flannel sheets, copious layers of warm quilts, sunshine (gracious me!) and a beautiful boy gazing at his boots… It was really hard getting out of bed every morning given these conditions and considering that Mr. Finn is a top-notch snuggler. That bed was absolutely key to my coming away from this week feeling like I am actually RELAXED, and not in more discomfort, or more tired, or… well, it’s a little tricky being pregnant while camping.

Backing up a few weeks in this pregnancy, I had spent the earlier part of this month recovering from a separated pelvis- officially the most painful experience of my life, and something I hope to avoid the rest of this pregnancy (and for the rest of my life? ahem). It was only after a couple chiro treatments and several days of bed rest (thank goodness for Dad’s who are available at the drop of a hat!!! xoxoxox!) that I was back on my feet. So suffice to say I didn’t want to risk my body for the fun of a few nights in a tent, even if it is the most beautiful place on earth.

A lovely lovely trip, different from any other, and possibly my favourite so far. And as camping seems to go for me- food always tastes better, the sunshine is more appreciated, the rain is more tolerated, the company of friends is so delightful and ‘just right’… and for the first time ever, the nights were cozy and comfortable. Who knew?

Oh, and Finn wanted you all to know- HE LOVES THE BEACH! Sticks, sand, shovels, water, wind, birds, weird seaweed, happy people… what’s not to love?

So for all of you out there sitting on the fence about camping- take it into your own hands! Bring the hot water bottles, favourite pillows, warmest slippers, and thermos of chamomile tea. Let’s name our experience COMFORT- instead of accepting hand-me-down foamies and slippery sleeping bags that drag down the good name of camping.

Now, why did this never occur to me before? And this leads to further wondering- what other beliefs am I still hauling around with me these days that aren’t my own? hmmm… I might need to do more camping this summer.

Happy comforts, dear readers!

Comments (2)

By doriluthy, March 25, 2011 3:50 pm

Time to talk, blogosphere. There is lots going on in this gal’s head and heart, and it’s been weeks since I’ve found time to spew it out here in my little corner of the world.

The biggest news going on (although many times through the day I completely forget) is that as I am sitting here typing I can feel the stirrings of a little growing baby in my belly. That’s right world, I went and got knocked up again. And I couldn’t be happier! It’s just speeding along and I’ve barely noticed (who’s got time!?). Already at 18 weeks pregnant, and definitely with none of the quiet pauses and thoughtful pondering that filled so much of my pregnancy with Finn. My pregnancy with him was so much of soul-searching and reflection, curiosity and wondering about the unknown. Peace and quiet were themes I can barely remember (thank goodness for a blog to remind me!) I had no idea what I was getting into, and no idea if I could cope or love or handle what it was going to mean to be a mother. That really caused me a lot of worry back then… And as a huge contrast to all of that I am already filled with a big dose of “pre-love” and excitement for this little baby that I just couldn’t imagine with Finn- I already have a sense of the power and joy that another little person can bring to my life, and I am SO looking forward to meeting the wee sprout. I didn’t have that confidence with Finn, I just couldn’t imagine! And I can’t help but smile and get little butterflies in my tummy at the thought of getting to pass through the experience of Birthing once again- I can honestly say that I’m really looking forward to that again- I mean, with an experience like THIS, can you see why? (I just re-read it myself, and found a place for some joyful tears.) Oh yes, and how does all this kind of confident, excited-to-know-you-soon energy transfer to the baby in making? Does this energy I’m putting off somehow make it into the psyche of the second child’s character? And there is also the physicalness that raising a 1 1/2 year old demands that doesn’t allow me to just sit and rest through this pregnancy either! Maybe this is part of the trade-off for the second child (or at least this is what I’m telling myself today)… in exchange for the millions of photographs and a completed baby book as enjoyed by the firstborn, you get mama’s energetic, positive, confident energy that’s ALL ABOUT YOU to grow from and feed into your self… and with a due date in mid-August, this likely-Leo will probably be giving us all a run for our money in a few months. And I can’t wait.

In the mean time, our little Scorpio dude is busy bustling around his world, in a constant state of exploration. Finn is turning into the most charming little boy, still cuddly and needing a lap when he has a book to read, and then leaps up to go after a ball or car that he’s just sent flying… Or he can be found having a quiet moment with a book by himself tucked onto the couch, closely examining the pictures, trying to make sense of the world they are explaining… His top loves these days are: hockey (thanks to his papa), trains!!!, and trying to make connections between pictures in different books (look- these books both have frogs! and this one is winking! Mama, can you wink? I can try too!). He isn’t verbalizing many words yet, but he’s up to about 60+ words in sign language that he uses a lot- a few 3-4 word sentences even emerging from his signing… it’s astounding how much he can communicate, and how much is really going on in his little fuzzy head. He is the coolest person I’ve ever known. He’s got 12 teeth so far, and his top two incisors are coming in right now (this portion of teething is not a fun experience, or so he tells me at 3am). He’s a pretty good eater and is mostly willing to try most things once or twice before he rules them out. Just discovered a love for pickles and olives (foods mama is craving these days). He has been given the family job of “setting the table” for dinner every night- and he seems to take a serious toddler-pride in this task of putting plates and forks out for the 3 of us. Dustin was a little nervous the first time he saw me hand Finn the stack of plates to take into the dining room, but he toddled off with no problems, holding them close to his belly as he walked, reaching up to put them on the table. He comes back for forks, and off he goes. It’s très cool. In general, he gets to be pretty hands on in the kitchen with me, a chair at the counter, he washes the vegetables (aka- water play!) and hands them to me to chop. He loves to help measure and stir ingredients. For my part, I have to turn down my mess-o-meter and just get groovy with water and stuff that might get all over for the 15-30 minutes that he’s into the project. A little mantra that helps – “it can be cleaned up later”.

And that’s the news of babes. And considering he’s been napping for 2 hours, I better not push it- gonna wrap this up and get on with the day… But here are some pics for those wondering what he looks like these days.

My son, the kid who eats dirt, playing trucks with his best bud.

Mama and the Boy:

Papa and the Boy:

Ciao.