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By doriluthy, March 15, 2012 12:49 am

We’re away from home for a week, off on a little winter holiday. This is our first as a family of four. It has been pretty glorious- the snow is falling, the food is delicious, the company is fantastic, and I really am feeling so blessed to be living ‘the good life’ out here on the side of a mountain for a whole week. We are all getting lots of goodness this week:

Beckley is contentedly sleeping in a suitcase at night (for the first time she’s not in our bed), she practicing her crawling stance, shrieking voice, and insisting on trying more solid food every day.

Finn is learning to ski with great help (thanks Yvonne!), asking to ice skate every day, and seems to really truly love the snow. And the hot tub? Yes please.

Dustin is getting his fill of fresh powder, card games, and long discussions about hockey and programming.

Me? I am just soaking it all in, joyful to see my family so happy in this lovely cabin in the woods. I’ve done a little skiing, knitting some tiny things for the baby, taking pleasure in helping to feed this group, and admiring the beauty of our surroundings.

I’m thinking about the memories this trip is making for us: Beckley’s first family holiday; this perfect little cabin in the woods that makes me want to come back here every year (or just live here!); the dear friends we are enjoying this trip with, and the memories our combined families are making together… All of these things will be part of the stories and memories we will recall as the kids grow older. Just thinking about it brings such pangs of wistfulness- oh, I want to hold my babies so close and just pause time for a while. Just a little while, enough to breath their scents, study their hands (baby chubby fingers grow into toddlers WAY to fast), snuggle them into my arms, and not have to do anything else but HOLD them. And even though it is an absolute joy to witness life through the beautiful eyes of a child, I am getting older every day and watching them do the same. Of course this journey of parenting is to help get these little people to the other side of childhood in a healthy happy way, but I can say with absolute certainty that I miss this already. I miss them.

Both babes are upstairs sleeping in their respective make-shift beds, and I am down here by the fire feeling the size of my heart swell in this longing to hold them closer. Maybe this is the desire for a shared family bed- it’s been hard having Beckley sleeping away from me. Night time sleeping is a perfect time to hold the kids close, breath and dream next to them while they are still and perfect and the darkness exposes all of our vulnerability and loveliness. The universe has tucked us into bed together as a family… Oh what a gift, I love them so much.

May we all find this kind of love in our lives…

Ok, I’m off to bed in this winter get away, to get a night of sleep and to be met by an early morning wake up with a sweet sweet baby girl.

Ciao.

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By doriluthy, February 20, 2012 12:24 am

Darling Beckley is going to be 6 months old in 3 days! The time is flying by so very fast, and she is doing exactly what little babies are supposed to be doing at her age- growing like a weed and generating more love that any of us thought possible. It is a true miracle, this project of growing a life, birthing, then watching the little person grow into a little human being. I just can’t get over the speed at which it is all happening. I want to swallow up these moments into my mind/body/soul and hold them forever- her scent, her giggles, her jabber-yabber, the way she laughs at her brother, how peacefully she sleeps, her soft soft skin…

I was cleaning up today and found a little poem I wrote when I was a couple weeks away from meeting Beckley. I remember sitting and writing it, so very aware of that giant creaking force that mega-pregnancy brings, and I had the sense that any moment the whole universe was going to fold up into a little paper cup and pour out a new life into my hands, and I knew that would happen with the greatest of ease (it did, birth story coming soon, promise!). Here’s my little poem:

~~~
Spinning

Centrifugal force, commanding
That invisible and felt pull,
Working with, within and without
An intention of stability.
A pull that is, responding and reacting.
Today as the body waits, oh so patiently,
For another to emerge from the warm held place
That only the mother’s birthing body can ever know.

Do you feel the spinning, pulling force
As you grow, child?
Do you hear my sighs and signs as
Hips and back and you shift,
Every day opening my body further
To the day that we would Meet…

I wait. I spin and wait.
~~~

Beckley and I, out in the rain on the weekend:

Ciao, dear reader.

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By doriluthy, January 7, 2012 1:45 am

Little Beckley was making efforts at rolling tonight on the big bed (naked baby is best!) and managed to roll herself over onto her belly! My attempts to shush my cheers didn’t work so well- dear Finn was soon calling out from his bed “Mama? Mama?”. To share in the excitement of the accomplishment, I brought him into the bed with me to watch and cheer for our littlest one and the new strength she is finding. Finn thought this most wonderful, and was clapping and kissing his little sister as she bucked and stretched her legs and arms in an attempt to repeat the roll- lots of good efforts, but she seemed to be getting tired out after all of her attempts. Finn headed back to bed and Beckley was soon asking to be put in PJ’s and drifted off to sleep, no doubt to dream about rolling! Just wait, little one, soon you will be running after that older brother, chasing the bugs and birds too…

But don’t grow up too fast, okay?

This little girl has captured my heart, oh heart. Her beauty and charm, her confident shrieks and giggles, her double-dimpled elbows, and her intense gaze which always catches me off guard when I find her staring at me… she is a Leo, this dear one.

Oh, Beckley Rose.

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By doriluthy, December 16, 2011 5:36 pm

The wooden train tracks are found in every nook and cranny at the end of the day… the giant bag of hubby’s hockey gear spills its guts into our small space… art projects lay around wondering where they belong in the chaos… crayons, felt food, real food, books and hot wheels all vie for space under the edge of our sofa… a snowboard propped in our dining room (is it really a room? maybe just a space)…

All signs of well lived days, but the small space (700 sq feet!) we live in has lately been giving this mama cause to dream dream dream of an extra few square feet of living. Or maybe a few hundred more sq feet! After our trip back to the prairies, and visiting different family in their big beautiful homes (HI TONYA AND WAYNE!), I must admit a little envy for the affordable BIG spaces available out there, given a different postal code!

Alas, we live in an expensive coastal city and have limited resources in the scope of real estate in this place… SO I must take refuge that I have a gorgeous big old house waiting for me in… dream land! In my little bits of quiet free time, I have been cutting pictures out of magazines and browsing the internet for images of the perfect: 1) a big bright bed, king size of course, with room for everyone! 2) a glowing and warm fire place (wood or gas, I’m not picky!) 3) a bright beautiful dining room as a place to spread out with some of the fun things that fill our days…

In the mean time I catch myself and try to remember to slow down and enjoy the many small moments of living that make this small house very warm- like our little ritual of tea/hot cocoa after nap time, as Finn has been waking from his nap after the sun has already set. As we sit at the table, I can’t help but stare at this growing boy, just delighting in his funniness and these times we have together… that sister is growing fast and our “time for 2″ will be soon “time for 3″. I love to watch as he sips his hot cocoa, sets down the cup, and gives me a happy little sigh, shudder and smile. Now see? He could care less about the square footage of our place, or the style of our sofa… he seems to be pretty happy with things the way they are. Good lesson to be learned from the kid, hey?

But won’t stop me from dreaming!

Here’s my guy, spending his own time dreaming- loading the coal into the fire box of the steam train, he’s the engineer, of course! You can’t see the wooden spoon (shovel) and slipper on his hand (glove), but he’s got his goggles and hat that make it official. He kept yelling out “HOT! HOT!” as he pretended to scoop coal into the washing machine. This kid cracks me up!

Ciao!

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By doriluthy, November 25, 2011 6:17 pm

I’ve been back for a week from a trip to my ‘homeland’, the beautiful and flat eastern South Dakota. I took both kids (no hubby, boo) and headed off to celebrate a wedding that has been waiting to happen for quite a while. We immersed ourselves in the love of good folks for almost 2 weeks and then sadly said farewell to that place that I once knew so dear… Trying to remember how to get around in the city where I learned to drive; reliving moments through old photographs and memories shared over mealtimes; childhood friends telling forgotten stories and reminding me of teenage exploits; and dear family who (as always) gives so freely with their love. It was hard to leave that kind of deep caring that seems to be so easily expressed between those with long histories together. Family, old friends, you know… If only they all lived in Vancouver!

We’re back on the West Coast again and between a sick little boy, early sunset (4:30pm?!), a twinge of homesickness, and a cold rainy city, I’m looking around my life and trying to keep lit the warm fires of gratitude and compassion. Thanksgiving was yesterday, (and we ate mounds of turkey and celebrated with some other expat friends in our neighborhood!), so I thought I’d pass on some of the Thanks I am feeling these days.

Thankful for the fullness and busyness of life that is shared with my best friend and our 2 darling children.

Thankful that I can take the opportunity to travel to see my big brother marry his best friend, all dressed up in handsome tux and gorgeous dress- a beautiful wedding!

Thankful for another giant batch of granola (tweaking the recipe once again) to sweeten the smells of the house and fill the bellies of my family- it always sets the stage for simple goodness. Mix Mix Bake Eat.

Thankful for beautiful friends who give so generously and share their sweet gifts with my little family. (Like the little ‘knock knock’ on the door JUST NOW from my neighbor’s 5 year old boy asking “do you want some turkey soup my mom made?”. Um, YES PLEASE!)

Thankful for spontaneous walks in the hood with my 2 year old, tossing handful of fallen leaves, investigating pine cones, and spotting a bald eagle perched on the old church steeple- another reminder of simple joys.

Thankful for the occasional LONG nap by both kiddos, so mama has a little time to herself!

It can be hard, but I am trying to remember to look for those little reminders of how blessed and rich my life is, and to slow the pace for a few moments and give thanks for what is, whether chaos or peace, laughter or crying, this is all part of the rhythm of our life.

***

And here’s a glimpse of the kiddos:

Finn hard at work.

Finn is a determined 2 year old, full of smiles and laughter. He takes joy in really simple things (don’t most kids?), and his love for hockey has not waned… He loves to colour, eat apples, play with trucks and trains, and really appreciates quiet moments to himself. He’s a great climber, loves the water, and is pretty willing to try lots of new foods (yeah!). And this mama is happy to report that he still loves a good snuggle.

Blame the daddy for this baby-decoration!

Beckley is slowly unfolding into a delightful little girl- now at 3 months old- and full of giggles and smiles. She can be incredibly chatty and friendly when in a social setting, doesn’t mind being passed around but loves her mama and papa the most! I call her my little chatterbox, but she also loves to be curled up with mama on the bed for a long afternoon nap. Her mellow disposition reminds us of her brother, but she’s definitely doing things in her own way, too.