By doriluthy, June 23, 2014 11:36 pm

Hello out there! (was that an echo?) Anyone still around?

I didn’t actually fall off the planet. I have been pulled into a wildly busy life of growing children, growing business, and life that has been rather unrelenting for some months.

Did I say months? Ahem.
I see it’s been over a year and half since I last wrote…

Well, regardless. I’m gonna just write something.

***

Musings from the Mama of an urban, home-learning, tiny-house, familyof4:

*Life-line. Children are a lot like toy boats floating on the pond… if you don’t pay attention, and hang onto the string (gently, firmly), they do start to drift off in a light breeze. Keeping track of the life-line to each child’s heart proves to be the key to overall harmony. And don’t assume you have a hold, if you haven’t checked in lately. My little Beckley keeps reminding me.

*Sparkle. When the 4 1/2year old insists on self-discovery with a bottle of glue and glitter, take a deep breath and try to resist sticking your hands in his space. He will likely not notice the twitching of your face, if you play it cool. Besides, you needed to sweep the floor. Yeah, Finn rocked the glitter (especially when I backed off).

*Gathering. When most of the kids in the neighbourhood don’t have backyards to play in, a curious (community building) affect is that the local park (free and open year-round) becomes the central hub of life for families to connect and gather. Clothing swaps, latest news, recipes shared, BBQs, birthday parties… I’d say it’s an argument for filling a (hypothetical) backyard with food production, and keep hanging out at the park.

Re-starting my blogging engine, once again. Vrooom, vroooooooom…

Cheers, Dori

Hear the calling…

By doriluthy, November 12, 2012 5:34 pm

Here I sit at my computer, this cold rainy autumn day, looking over my computer and out the window to the empty schoolhouse across the street. A holiday Monday means the windows are dark and the kids are away. I guess that means less distraction for me? Armed with a cup of tea, a bit of dark chocolate, and wooly socks, all these keeping me warm in the ways that they do. This is a long time coming reunion, my computer and I, waiting to get together in just the right moment. Both babes are sleeping. Nothing else pressing. My own desire for writing is the most urgent matter.

Has it really been since July that I’ve been here, writing, thinking, dreaming in this little space that is all mine? I wonder how you all lasted so long, so patiently waiting for my return? Thank you dear readers, knowing that it would eventually happen.

What has happened? In months of waiting for time to write about life, so many things have passed by my eyes… two milestones worth noting!

On a warm August day, darling Beckley launched herself head first into life as a one year old. She is so very sassy, loud, and confident. Her birthday was perfection, a magical garden party with a great number of friends. Piles of food, a vibrant garden backdrop, the chocolate cake mama makes, bunting, crafts, quilts, and sunshine. My heart was singing at the beauty of it all, so perfect for that darling babe. She signs and speaks many words, runs, climbs, sings, loves babies, trucks, music and dirt. And she is still ever the snuggle-bug, thank goodness.

Halloween night, Finn became 3 years old. A charming moment I hope to never forget; we sang the birthday song, he blew out his candles, and I could see the look of realization on his face- he turned around and with arms gesturing wildly, he declared to everyone there “I am 3! I am 3 years old!”.  That honest, intent, heartfelt wee boy, has now turned 3. Curious, dinosaur crazy, he loves outdoors, indoors, cooking, playing. His fav games are hockey and palaeontologist (bury tiny dinosaurs in playdoh, unearth, discuss). He is also a tip-top-snuggle-bug.

Well for months now it’s been a jumble of the big stuff, met with the small stuff, and through all of that I have been trying, oh trying!, to find little bits of time for myself. But as I sit here, feeling so utterly content at this moment of writing, I am thinking how very important it is to start making more time for me.

Me? Dori. Remember her?

Well, it’s tricky, isn’t it? So many of my current passions have to do with my children- home-learning, cooking, crafting, activity planning, reading… Not that there is anything ‘wrong’ with this all-encompassing life-activity called Motherhooooood. There really is no way to separate something called “Me” from “Mama”. I am all, I am entirely whole in these life endeavors. I have no other desire than to be Finn and Beckley’s mama.  BUT, I do have some of those pre-mama roles I played that are calling for attention. I definitely have the pre-mama body that wants to move in ways that carrying children doesn’t allow for. I have an ever-growing internal call to be of service, seeking activities that extend beyond my household. So what about all of this? I guess it means it takes a little time and closer listening to find out what I need for self. Making time to lean down, hushed and patient, and give space to the voice inside that asks for care and attention, for peace and quiet, for passionate heartfelt movements of growth and development. Well, here I am. Free in this moment to do nothing but listen. Listen…

Creative work, making/holding/shaping
Smiles, laughter
Caring for another, holding space, deepening relationships
Witnessing, celebrating
Nature-made, nature’s gift
Light and Dark

Wow, that’s good stuff. Sounds just right, since I have been moving towards 2 things in life that help to holistically enrich DORI. 1) More time in the studio! Touching clay, drawing, playing, and SIGHING very loudly. All feels good. And 2) I have registered for a Doula training course in January! I am delighted, excited and ready. Having had the absolute honour of attending a friend’s birth a couple weeks ago (26 hours of support), I can’t express how right this feels.

Mama-Artist-Doula. One act engages my multitude of skills and passions, bringing me forward in service and care to those I love so dear, entire body and heart, patience ruling all.  Another act calls me to focus internally and find creative power within, making with my hands, with patience, self-reflective, self-serving. The other calls me to focus externally and support the physical and creative power of another, holding space with my energy, standing back and standing strong, with patience, serving others.

Cool. I like all of that.

And that’s about all I have time for! What a gift that those darling babes have slept through all of this processing and writing. And thanks for hanging on, dear readers. I hope to be more active here again, taking the opportunity to entertain you, and refresh my spirit! :)

What is YOUR calling?

Ciao.

Growing past, growing fast.

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By doriluthy, July 26, 2012 10:03 pm

Finn woke up. But not really all the way up. I heard him get out of bed upstairs and walk out of his room and stop at the top of the stairs. He didn’t move for a minute so I went up and found him standing there, still half asleep. He held out his arms to me and I picked him up. He scooped his arms inward and shoved them between our bodies and rested his head on my shoulder- a classic Finn move. His long loopy legs dangled down as I held him as best I could. Not one to pass on the opportunity for a sleepy cuddle, I sat down on his bed and we did a little shifting and adjusting attempting to find a good position for a mama/son snuggle… and then it happened. Or rather it didn’t happen. We couldn’t get comfy! Arms here, head here. Nope. Shoulder here, arms here, head here. Nope. Shift sideways, legs out. Nope. Head back. Nope. Legs straddled, arms around mama’s shoulders. Nope. We spent about 3-4 minutes searching for a good snuggle/sleep position, and could not find it. His long arms, long legs, and boy-ish body no longer fit just right into mama’s lap. I laid him down in bed, covered him up and kissed him goodnight. After I closed the door my heard gave a sigh… how quickly that little baby has grown into a little boy.

Days are passing with the duties of life marking time; faces washed, diapers changed, meals prepared, laundry folded, babies bathed- am I in it enough to be seeing him also grow and change? It all seems to be happening so fast. Finn is a strong willed, determined little person. He is clear (and polite!) in expressing his needs and desires, and isn’t afraid to shoo us away from his learning process. He is funny and a jokester (”just teasin!”), admires his Daddy o’ so much, has made a hobby of tormenting his baby sister (mama cringes), and gets into any sport with great gusto. He also has a great big heart that needs to feel included and seen. He is my sensitive, brave Scorpio.

Bathman

Suitcase and ice skates…

By doriluthy, March 15, 2012 12:49 am

We’re away from home for a week, off on a little winter holiday. This is our first as a family of four. It has been pretty glorious- the snow is falling, the food is delicious, the company is fantastic, and I really am feeling so blessed to be living ‘the good life’ out here on the side of a mountain for a whole week. We are all getting lots of goodness this week:

Beckley is contentedly sleeping in a suitcase at night (for the first time she’s not in our bed), she practicing her crawling stance, shrieking voice, and insisting on trying more solid food every day.

Finn is learning to ski with great help (thanks Yvonne!), asking to ice skate every day, and seems to really truly love the snow. And the hot tub? Yes please.

Dustin is getting his fill of fresh powder, card games, and long discussions about hockey and programming.

Me? I am just soaking it all in, joyful to see my family so happy in this lovely cabin in the woods. I’ve done a little skiing, knitting some tiny things for the baby, taking pleasure in helping to feed this group, and admiring the beauty of our surroundings.

I’m thinking about the memories this trip is making for us: Beckley’s first family holiday; this perfect little cabin in the woods that makes me want to come back here every year (or just live here!); the dear friends we are enjoying this trip with, and the memories our combined families are making together… All of these things will be part of the stories and memories we will recall as the kids grow older. Just thinking about it brings such pangs of wistfulness- oh, I want to hold my babies so close and just pause time for a while. Just a little while, enough to breath their scents, study their hands (baby chubby fingers grow into toddlers WAY to fast), snuggle them into my arms, and not have to do anything else but HOLD them. And even though it is an absolute joy to witness life through the beautiful eyes of a child, I am getting older every day and watching them do the same. Of course this journey of parenting is to help get these little people to the other side of childhood in a healthy happy way, but I can say with absolute certainty that I miss this already. I miss them.

Both babes are upstairs sleeping in their respective make-shift beds, and I am down here by the fire feeling the size of my heart swell in this longing to hold them closer. Maybe this is the desire for a shared family bed- it’s been hard having Beckley sleeping away from me. Night time sleeping is a perfect time to hold the kids close, breath and dream next to them while they are still and perfect and the darkness exposes all of our vulnerability and loveliness. The universe has tucked us into bed together as a family… Oh what a gift, I love them so much.

May we all find this kind of love in our lives…

Ok, I’m off to bed in this winter get away, to get a night of sleep and to be met by an early morning wake up with a sweet sweet baby girl.

Ciao.

Spinning

By doriluthy, February 20, 2012 12:24 am

Darling Beckley is going to be 6 months old in 3 days! The time is flying by so very fast, and she is doing exactly what little babies are supposed to be doing at her age- growing like a weed and generating more love that any of us thought possible. It is a true miracle, this project of growing a life, birthing, then watching the little person grow into a little human being. I just can’t get over the speed at which it is all happening. I want to swallow up these moments into my mind/body/soul and hold them forever- her scent, her giggles, her jabber-yabber, the way she laughs at her brother, how peacefully she sleeps, her soft soft skin…

I was cleaning up today and found a little poem I wrote when I was a couple weeks away from meeting Beckley. I remember sitting and writing it, so very aware of that giant creaking force that mega-pregnancy brings, and I had the sense that any moment the whole universe was going to fold up into a little paper cup and pour out a new life into my hands, and I knew that would happen with the greatest of ease (it did, birth story coming soon, promise!). Here’s my little poem:

~~~
Spinning

Centrifugal force, commanding
That invisible and felt pull,
Working with, within and without
An intention of stability.
A pull that is, responding and reacting.
Today as the body waits, oh so patiently,
For another to emerge from the warm held place
That only the mother’s birthing body can ever know.

Do you feel the spinning, pulling force
As you grow, child?
Do you hear my sighs and signs as
Hips and back and you shift,
Every day opening my body further
To the day that we would Meet…

I wait. I spin and wait.
~~~

Beckley and I, out in the rain on the weekend:

BeckleyMama

Ciao, dear reader.

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