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By doriluthy, February 20, 2012 12:24 am

Darling Beckley is going to be 6 months old in 3 days! The time is flying by so very fast, and she is doing exactly what little babies are supposed to be doing at her age- growing like a weed and generating more love that any of us thought possible. It is a true miracle, this project of growing a life, birthing, then watching the little person grow into a little human being. I just can’t get over the speed at which it is all happening. I want to swallow up these moments into my mind/body/soul and hold them forever- her scent, her giggles, her jabber-yabber, the way she laughs at her brother, how peacefully she sleeps, her soft soft skin…

I was cleaning up today and found a little poem I wrote when I was a couple weeks away from meeting Beckley. I remember sitting and writing it, so very aware of that giant creaking force that mega-pregnancy brings, and I had the sense that any moment the whole universe was going to fold up into a little paper cup and pour out a new life into my hands, and I knew that would happen with the greatest of ease (it did, birth story coming soon, promise!). Here’s my little poem:

~~~
Spinning

Centrifugal force, commanding
That invisible and felt pull,
Working with, within and without
An intention of stability.
A pull that is, responding and reacting.
Today as the body waits, oh so patiently,
For another to emerge from the warm held place
That only the mother’s birthing body can ever know.

Do you feel the spinning, pulling force
As you grow, child?
Do you hear my sighs and signs as
Hips and back and you shift,
Every day opening my body further
To the day that we would Meet…

I wait. I spin and wait.
~~~

Beckley and I, out in the rain on the weekend:

Ciao, dear reader.

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By doriluthy, January 7, 2012 1:45 am

Little Beckley was making efforts at rolling tonight on the big bed (naked baby is best!) and managed to roll herself over onto her belly! My attempts to shush my cheers didn’t work so well- dear Finn was soon calling out from his bed “Mama? Mama?”. To share in the excitement of the accomplishment, I brought him into the bed with me to watch and cheer for our littlest one and the new strength she is finding. Finn thought this most wonderful, and was clapping and kissing his little sister as she bucked and stretched her legs and arms in an attempt to repeat the roll- lots of good efforts, but she seemed to be getting tired out after all of her attempts. Finn headed back to bed and Beckley was soon asking to be put in PJ’s and drifted off to sleep, no doubt to dream about rolling! Just wait, little one, soon you will be running after that older brother, chasing the bugs and birds too…

But don’t grow up too fast, okay?

This little girl has captured my heart, oh heart. Her beauty and charm, her confident shrieks and giggles, her double-dimpled elbows, and her intense gaze which always catches me off guard when I find her staring at me… she is a Leo, this dear one.

Oh, Beckley Rose.

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By doriluthy, December 16, 2011 5:36 pm

The wooden train tracks are found in every nook and cranny at the end of the day… the giant bag of hubby’s hockey gear spills its guts into our small space… art projects lay around wondering where they belong in the chaos… crayons, felt food, real food, books and hot wheels all vie for space under the edge of our sofa… a snowboard propped in our dining room (is it really a room? maybe just a space)…

All signs of well lived days, but the small space (700 sq feet!) we live in has lately been giving this mama cause to dream dream dream of an extra few square feet of living. Or maybe a few hundred more sq feet! After our trip back to the prairies, and visiting different family in their big beautiful homes (HI TONYA AND WAYNE!), I must admit a little envy for the affordable BIG spaces available out there, given a different postal code!

Alas, we live in an expensive coastal city and have limited resources in the scope of real estate in this place… SO I must take refuge that I have a gorgeous big old house waiting for me in… dream land! In my little bits of quiet free time, I have been cutting pictures out of magazines and browsing the internet for images of the perfect: 1) a big bright bed, king size of course, with room for everyone! 2) a glowing and warm fire place (wood or gas, I’m not picky!) 3) a bright beautiful dining room as a place to spread out with some of the fun things that fill our days…

In the mean time I catch myself and try to remember to slow down and enjoy the many small moments of living that make this small house very warm- like our little ritual of tea/hot cocoa after nap time, as Finn has been waking from his nap after the sun has already set. As we sit at the table, I can’t help but stare at this growing boy, just delighting in his funniness and these times we have together… that sister is growing fast and our “time for 2″ will be soon “time for 3″. I love to watch as he sips his hot cocoa, sets down the cup, and gives me a happy little sigh, shudder and smile. Now see? He could care less about the square footage of our place, or the style of our sofa… he seems to be pretty happy with things the way they are. Good lesson to be learned from the kid, hey?

But won’t stop me from dreaming!

Here’s my guy, spending his own time dreaming- loading the coal into the fire box of the steam train, he’s the engineer, of course! You can’t see the wooden spoon (shovel) and slipper on his hand (glove), but he’s got his goggles and hat that make it official. He kept yelling out “HOT! HOT!” as he pretended to scoop coal into the washing machine. This kid cracks me up!

Ciao!

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By doriluthy, November 25, 2011 6:17 pm

I’ve been back for a week from a trip to my ‘homeland’, the beautiful and flat eastern South Dakota. I took both kids (no hubby, boo) and headed off to celebrate a wedding that has been waiting to happen for quite a while. We immersed ourselves in the love of good folks for almost 2 weeks and then sadly said farewell to that place that I once knew so dear… Trying to remember how to get around in the city where I learned to drive; reliving moments through old photographs and memories shared over mealtimes; childhood friends telling forgotten stories and reminding me of teenage exploits; and dear family who (as always) gives so freely with their love. It was hard to leave that kind of deep caring that seems to be so easily expressed between those with long histories together. Family, old friends, you know… If only they all lived in Vancouver!

We’re back on the West Coast again and between a sick little boy, early sunset (4:30pm?!), a twinge of homesickness, and a cold rainy city, I’m looking around my life and trying to keep lit the warm fires of gratitude and compassion. Thanksgiving was yesterday, (and we ate mounds of turkey and celebrated with some other expat friends in our neighborhood!), so I thought I’d pass on some of the Thanks I am feeling these days.

Thankful for the fullness and busyness of life that is shared with my best friend and our 2 darling children.

Thankful that I can take the opportunity to travel to see my big brother marry his best friend, all dressed up in handsome tux and gorgeous dress- a beautiful wedding!

Thankful for another giant batch of granola (tweaking the recipe once again) to sweeten the smells of the house and fill the bellies of my family- it always sets the stage for simple goodness. Mix Mix Bake Eat.

Thankful for beautiful friends who give so generously and share their sweet gifts with my little family. (Like the little ‘knock knock’ on the door JUST NOW from my neighbor’s 5 year old boy asking “do you want some turkey soup my mom made?”. Um, YES PLEASE!)

Thankful for spontaneous walks in the hood with my 2 year old, tossing handful of fallen leaves, investigating pine cones, and spotting a bald eagle perched on the old church steeple- another reminder of simple joys.

Thankful for the occasional LONG nap by both kiddos, so mama has a little time to herself!

It can be hard, but I am trying to remember to look for those little reminders of how blessed and rich my life is, and to slow the pace for a few moments and give thanks for what is, whether chaos or peace, laughter or crying, this is all part of the rhythm of our life.

***

And here’s a glimpse of the kiddos:

Finn hard at work.

Finn is a determined 2 year old, full of smiles and laughter. He takes joy in really simple things (don’t most kids?), and his love for hockey has not waned… He loves to colour, eat apples, play with trucks and trains, and really appreciates quiet moments to himself. He’s a great climber, loves the water, and is pretty willing to try lots of new foods (yeah!). And this mama is happy to report that he still loves a good snuggle.

Blame the daddy for this baby-decoration!

Beckley is slowly unfolding into a delightful little girl- now at 3 months old- and full of giggles and smiles. She can be incredibly chatty and friendly when in a social setting, doesn’t mind being passed around but loves her mama and papa the most! I call her my little chatterbox, but she also loves to be curled up with mama on the bed for a long afternoon nap. Her mellow disposition reminds us of her brother, but she’s definitely doing things in her own way, too.

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By doriluthy, October 4, 2011 12:27 am

I’m basking in a state of peace and quiet around here at this late hour. Both babes are sleeping, hubby is off at his late night hockey game, and in a gesture of Autumnal celebration I’ve decided to resist the call of sleep momentarily and have started a new knitting project (here) for a tiny baby that has just arrived into the arms of a dear friend. Yup, the only thing missing is a little chocolate.

I love knitting late in the evening after the house has been cleaned and the kids are in bed. It allows for such lovely quiet reflective moments for the soul. And with the coolness of Autumn arriving at the door, even more it sets the stage for pulling thoughts inward and getting into a meditative rhythm of yarn slipping through fingers, the quiet tap-tapping of needles, as the mind wanders around freely.

Tonight my mind is full of thoughts of the 2 beautiful little people sleeping upstairs, how blessed I am to know them in my life. I’m just so IN LOVE, in a way that grows deeper every day. Great roots are taking further hold in my life, as I feel my calling in this world declaring itself to me, M0therhood, revealing itself powerful and creative, even more day by day. And all through the glorious laughter and overwhelming moments of challenge and frustrations, with some moments when we’re all crying and some when we’re all laughing- oh yes, I love this job. The birth of Beckley and her soft folding into the family has brought me to another level of motherhood that, without even realizing, I had been waiting for- REALLY waiting for. Certainly the complexity of our days has risen, and my hands feel in near-constant motion, but it all feels so right to have become a whirling mama of diapering and feeding of little people. With no conscious effort my heart has grown in its capacity to love a whole other little person, and this love comes with such ferocity and gentleness that I can say at 6 weeks old- ‘I can’t imagine life without her’.

The other unexpected side of now parenting 2 kids is seeing my husband in a slightly new light. There has been a subtle and delightful shift in our own appreciation and support for one another- a process of quietly letting go of old expectations that might have been pushing us apart, and tightening the hold on those things that draw us closer together. I’m delighted to see him finding his rhythm in fatherhood, a calling he seems so naturally inclined towards and committed to. After over a dozen years together, it really is awesome to find ourselves wandering hand in hand in this journey of Family- something about it seems so familiar, even in it’s relative newness.

Finn’s adjusting to being an older brother, in his own way. His curiosity about Beckley is growing, as well as his tolerance of her being in my lap so often in the day. When he finds her sitting in the little bouncy chair, he is soft and gentle (mostly) in his exploration of her little face and hands. He wants to hold her and pat her. And unless he is tired or hungry himself (triggers for any of us!), it seems that she is becoming acceptable and accepted in his world… he’s having to learn a great deal about gentleness, and what a beautiful little person to learn with!

And what to say of dear Beckley? She is mellow, charming, and quite smiley for someone so little… she is starting to uncurl and really seeing this last week a growth of personality- she’s beginning to assert her little independent sounds into the family, letting us know her preferences (being held!) and her little routines. She coos with this contented little sighing sound, it just charms my heart. She is growing so well, it makes this mama very happy to see the pudgy little legs and arms swinging around in that newborn way.

Okay, bed is calling now. Glad to have gotten a few thoughts down about these fleeting days of two little ones. I can feel that I already miss this time… as it floats by so quickly. A parting sweetness for the season, picked up from a favourite place to visit:

In the deep fall
don’t you imagine the leaves think how
comfortable it will be to touch
the earth instead of the
nothingness of air and the endless
freshets of wind?

~ Mary Oliver, excerpt from Song for Autumn
in New and Selected Poems, Volume Two